Saturday's Class

My attorney and I are writing a TV show called "Saturday's Class." here is the list of characters:

Professor: This is the only name he will be known by. He starts every episode attempting to teach the class it's weekly lesson. Before he is able to begin, the class is distracted by what will become a much more pressing issue. Due to this distraction, the viewer will never learn exactly what the class is about and why they meet every week. Nothing more will come from the Professor other than him playing the role of teacher and starting every episode.

- Vinnie Mack: Vinnie Mack will be the tough but loveable Italian stereotype. Picture any role John Travolta played circa the 1970's. He will dress as if from the disco era and talk with an affected speech pattern. The Speech pattern will reflect Travolta from 'Welcome Back, Kotter'. He will be the main source of comic relief for the class and at time the leader. Vinnie will, however, with the help of Saphy learn to fight his racist beliefs and vocabulary.

- Sapphire 'Saphy' Clemons: Saphy will be the elderly black woman of the group. At time wise sage and at other times fearless leader. She is a flirt and an unending stereotype. She will be sassy, smart, speak as if she is from the south and will let you know what the deal is with a snap of her sassy fingers. There will be a spark between her and Vinnie…a flirtatious back and forth that will add to the comedic angle of the show. Saphy will, at time, be quite perverted…she has been known to pinch many a cheek…she also killed her last two husbands.

- Morris Finker: A ten-year old, boy genius. He will resemble the youngest nerd from 'Revenge of the Nerds'. He will have thick glasses, a bowl haircut and a constant sinus infection. He will have all of the other nerd attributes (mostly from 1980's lore – i.e.: pocet protectors, bad skin, affected speech pattern, awful laugh and AIDS) Morris will be the answer man – Mr. Analytical…he will propose efficient solutions to the quandaries presented to the class. Sadly, his solutions will often be greeted with disdain by the class. This is due mainly for Morris' addiction to masturbation and household chemicals.

- Mitchell Eanes: Mitchell will be the resident fat ass. He too will be a know it all, but it seems he will never know the touch of a woman. Everything visible about him screams slob…but deep down inside he yearns for the love of a woman. In fact he is so yearns for a woman he is teetering on the edge of unlawful carnal knowledge. At this time he has his demons under control (sexual, that is…he still eats, cries, sweats and urinates excessively). No one in the class knows of Mitchell's secret desire and an inner voice will actually represent his hidden passion.

- Porsche Mercedes: The typical 'hot' girl. She will have no role other than being hot and simply sitting there. It would be nice to have a new chick playing the same character every week…of course the class wouldn't notice the change in person and would treat P.M. the same no matter what form she took.

- Lil' Reggie Phillips: Remember that movie where the kid was a cop with Burt Reynolds? Well, we have him for you. Our Lil' Reggie is going to be the class trouble maker…though the trouble he creates is through good intentions? Overdosed on drugs? He thought it was pixie dust. Shot at the President? He simply sneezed at the wrong time. Stole a car? Well, we're not all perfect…he did steal the car. Picture a cute, wide-eyed black child who always wears a shirt with a number on it.

- LordGoeth666: We will never see this character because he takes the class from online. A computer will be positioned among the other students which will sound off once an awhile. Sometimes the beeps and whistles will be his contribution and other times his classmates will read his comments. If the class goes on an adventure so will the CPU terminal (i.e.: class visits Reggie at the hospital and as is it were nothing LordGoethe666 computer will be there).

- Paulie 'Boom-Boom' Mancini: Paulie will be Vinnie Mack's sidekick. He won't actually be part of the class but will attend every week with Vinnie. His sole responsibility will be to support whatever Vinnie says. Most of his comments will be simple tones or phrases but nothing more. Paulie is nothing more than a loyal dog to Vinnie…God loves him.

- Herman "Shakes" Monroe: There is not much to this character besides his serious case of Tourettes Syndrome. He will attempt to answer questions or involve himself in class but will end up convulsing or screeching. He will be a short-lived character and most likely the first classmate to be killed off. This death will encompass an entire episode to be planned later. RIP.

- Principal Nogoodnick or Principal Hooknoser: Depending on how politically incorrect we want to be we could chose either name. The Principal is the sworn enemy of Saturday's Class…he wants to end Saturday's class at any cost. Why a Principal would be at a school on Saturday or hate a class that has nothing to do with his school is a question to be answered later. The Principal is a troublemaker and a schemer. He plots constantly against the class, but thankfully is always defeated by the unifying power of the class. A real scheming Jew (no offense).

- Lawrence Meeks: This poor soul is an old queen with a terrible cold. He seems to be losing weight at an alarming rate and is always wearing a tattered robe and drinking a cup of broth…no…this is too offensive…

- Henry "Blade" Jenkins: Henry is veteran of every foreign since World War I. He frequently tells the class very detailed, disturbing war stories and has a violent temper. He relates normal daily events and topics brought up in class to war in very nonsensical ways. He gave a presentation one time on his proudest moment, the time he killed 3 German soldiers with nothing but his dead buddy's army boot with his foot still in it. The teacher has a restraining order on him outside of class. Why he has chosen to continue his academic pursuits is a mystery. Must take a hiatus from the class to go over to Iraq.

- Peter Groppenheim: Peter is an inventor, and 11 year old Morris is his lab assistant. Some students worry about the relationship between Peter and Morris. Peter is not in the class, but sits in sometimes to see the progress of Morris's academic pursuits. Morris tells the class that he met Peter at the library where Peter was doing scientific research for the development of his time machine. It is later revealed that Peter is homeless, his German accent is fake, he occasionally sleeps outside the class, and he knows nothing what-so-ever about science.

- Gene "The Book" Robbins: Gene is an accountant who is constantly being investigated for unlawful accounting practices. He is overweight and smokes packs of cigarettes a day, but justifies it by saying that it's not like he will be a free man much longer. When the Feds show up at the class to arrest him he takes the class hostage. How will the gang get out of this sticky situation?

Manning Family

Drinking Associations

As I begin cutting down on my drinking I’ve decided to make a list of things, activities, and people that I associate with drinking. It reads like this:
Football, Social Events, Grilling, Children, Reality Television, The Herchert Boy, Smoking Cigarettes, Late 60’s Bob Dylan, Concerts, Fireworks, The Manning Family, Autism, Zone Defenses, Religious Holidays, Patriotic Holidays, Family, Gary Busey, Slow-Moving Zombies, Beaches, Discussions regarding society and race, Asian Roommates, Catcher in the Rye, The Internet, The Manson Girls, Sports Cars, The Karate Kid Franchise, Pills, Mogwai, Sports Talk Radio, Stallone Movies, The phrase “School of Thought,” Bill Parcells' Face, Corduroy Slacks, Home Decoration, Christmas Lights, York Pennsylvania, Online Banking, Full House, Facial Hair, Weddings, The Late Jim Jones, Purchasing Candy Bars, The JFK Assassination, Tony Dungy, Italians, Opened-Toed Sandals, Abandonned Warehouses, Yard Sales, The Roaring 20's, Construction Crews, Buddy Holly, Knives, Trolleys, The Future, Joe Gibbs' Laugh, and Bikes.