Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The Shithead
Again I see him on the train
Impossibly rotund, he seems to be bursting at all seams
His appearance makes me uneasy
I can see him in long buffet lines, cursing the pace
I can see him dancing towards a chocolate fountain in a reception hall as Frankie & Johnny plays
I want him to succeed at all things as I mock him
I want to be there when it all comes crumbling down
He knows that my hollow eyes are watching him
He's reading a book, probably a cookbook
I laugh, I'm horrible
How quickly could he travel a mile?
How many days' total foot travel would it take to surpass a mile?
Surely some muscle must be built dragging that around all day
He's immaculately groomed
His freshly-pressed clothes are of the highest quality
Such finely-tuned neglect
I, the shithead, cannot look away
Impossibly rotund, he seems to be bursting at all seams
His appearance makes me uneasy
I can see him in long buffet lines, cursing the pace
I can see him dancing towards a chocolate fountain in a reception hall as Frankie & Johnny plays
I want him to succeed at all things as I mock him
I want to be there when it all comes crumbling down
He knows that my hollow eyes are watching him
He's reading a book, probably a cookbook
I laugh, I'm horrible
How quickly could he travel a mile?
How many days' total foot travel would it take to surpass a mile?
Surely some muscle must be built dragging that around all day
He's immaculately groomed
His freshly-pressed clothes are of the highest quality
Such finely-tuned neglect
I, the shithead, cannot look away
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
SC Zombie Episode
Saturday’s class Zombie Episode:
[Episode starts without the normal credits rolling. The Bell rings, the teacher takes off his reading glasses and stands up to address the class. Vinnie’s seat is noticeably vacant.]
Professor: Good Morning everyone. I trust everyone has their class projects and presentations prepared.”
[The camera pans around the room from the professor’s view to see a few science projects, 1 poster board book report, a turtle on Reggie’s desk, and Sapphy dressed as George Washington].
Teacher: “Does anyone know where Vinnie is?”
Sapphy: “That sounds like Vinnie to play hooky on presentation day.”
Morris [still nursing a pretty nasty sinus infection]: “Yeah, teacher I propose we investigate.”
Henry: “Morris will you shut the fuck up?”
[Vinnie runs into class looking disheveled, holding a shirt wrapped around his arm.]
Vinnie: “This is crazy homeless guy bit me.”
Sapphy: “Vinnie, what the fuck is going on?”
Vinnie [sits down, panting]: “Me and Pauly were on the bus and got off a stop early so that we could shoot dice in the alley.”
Teacher [impatiently]: “Pauly and I, Vinnie.”
Vinnie: “Yeah sure, teach, anyways we get off at the stop and we cuts through McClackey’s Shakes to get to the alley out back.”
[Teacher gives an “I give up gesture,” which Vinnie doesn’t seem to notice]
Vinnie: “We get out back where a buddy of ours is waiting. We’re set up near the end of the alley and we shoot a few rounds and I’m cleaning up as usual. After a few rounds Pauly points out this frickin’ drunk guy stumbling across Main Street. We point and laugh, I mean the guy almost got hit by like 3 cars. He makes it across the street and kind of falls behind some buildings and we lose track of him. A few minutes goes by and I’m cleaning these jokers out. All of a sudden the same drunk lunges at us from behind a dumpster takes a swipe at Pauly and then latches onto my arm like it’s a frickin’ meatball. So Pauly grabs a piece of brick and SMACK hits him right in the face, and we take off running. I guess we all freaked out because Pauly probably just killed a guy. We all kind of split up, and I wound up here.”
Teacher [clearly perturbed at having the classes time wasted]: “Marvelous Vinnie, let’s see your arm.”
[Vinnie winces as he unwraps the shirt around his arm revealing an infected-looking bite wound]
[The class all gasp in revulsion, except Henry]
Henry: “Oh, he barely nicked you. I can sew that up for you right now.”
Mercedes: “Vinnie you better clean that out.”
Vinnie: “I’ll clean you out.”
[Mercedes blushes]
Sapphy: “Vinnie that looks seriously muffed up. Let’s go clean it out.”
[Vinnie and Sapphy leave the class and walk towards the restroom.]
*Cut to Vinnie and Sapphy coming out of the restroom*
Vinnie: “Sapphire Clemmons, you truly are too good to me. If anything happens to my mother, you could probably step right.”
Sapphy [laughing]: “Well you know then I couldn’t butter your bread.”
Vinnie: “Says who, I never heard nothing about that.”
[Vinnie winks at Sapphy]
Sapphy: “Stop it Vinnie, you’re killing me.”
[Vinnie and Sapphy reenter the classroom.]
Teacher: “Now, Mr. LaParenzo is it alright if I get on with class? We have a number of presentations that we need to fit in today.”
Vinnie: “Sure teach, break a leg”
Reggie [standing by the window looking out stunned –looking]: “Aaah, guys.”
[Everyone rushes over to the window to see what is going on and audibly gasp as a middle aged man and a heavyset woman in a green dress are tearing a screaming woman apart at a nearby busstop. Both seem to trying to eat the poor woman. The street seems to be otherwise empty. ]
Lawrence: “Guys, I don’t feel so good.”
[Morris rushes out of the classroom covering his mouth to keep from throwing up in class.]
Sapphy: “Someone call the fuckin cops”
[Mercedes reaches into her purse, gets her bedazzled cellphone, and dials 911]
Mercedes: “I’m not getting service. I always get service in class.”
Vinnie: “I’ll give you some service.”
Morris: “Oh, Vinnie, can’t you see this is serious.”
Vinnie: “Cram it, wimp.”
[Other people go to their bags, get their cell phones, and try to dial out. One by one, they each say that they are not getting service]
[Sapphy, without hesitation walks over to her backpack, opens it, and retrieves a very large 357 magnum from it. Henry meanwhile takes a revolver from his overcoat.]
Teacher: “Wow, so you mean to tell me that both of you walk around with loaded guns on your persons.”
Sapphire and Henry [simultaneous]: “Always.”
Teacher: “Well the way I see it, we need to go out to the pay phone in front of the building and I’ll call the cops. They’ve most likely already been called by now about it anyways, but we need to get them out here. Henry and Sapphire, I want you to come with me so that I can make a call. Everyone else, I want you to stay here and not leave this classroom. Presentations are moved to next Saturday due to these extenuating circumstances. Morris you’re in charge.”
Vinnie: “What?!”
Teacher: “Shut up Vinnie, how’s your arm?”
Vinnie: “It’s really sore and you know kind of numb. I like think I need to go to the hospital.”
Henry [looking at the teacher]: “I told you I’d stitch the boy up.”
Teacher: “We don’t have time, we need to make that call. Henry, Sapphire let’s move.”
Sapphy [checking to see that the chamber of her magnum is full and shaking her head]: “Oh Dear Lord Je-sus Give Me Strength!”
[There is no such check from Henry as he seems confident that his weapon is full and he has extra ammo on his person]
Teacher: “I don’t want anyone to panic. The phone is right outside and we can lock the front doors if necessary!”
Vinnie [winking at Reggie and addressing Mercedes]: “You know we might even have to sleep here.”
Morris [clearly annoyed]: Vinnie we just witnessed a murder. Is nothing sacred?
Vinnie: Yeah you’re mother, she’s sacred
Morris [more annoyed]: Vinnie, that doesn’t even make sense as a slight
Vinnie: “Look geek, just pipe down and let them make their call.”
[Henry, Sapphire, and the teacher depart and walk out towards the front door. The camera follows. The three walk through the double glass doors. The teacher double checks that he has the key to lock the front doors if need be.]
Henry: This makes me feel like I’m back in the shit.
The teacher: I find very few parallels to Vietnam
Henry: I wasn’t referring to Vietnam
[The pay phone in the parking lot is approximately 20 feet from the door. The teacher takes two quarters out of his pocket before approaching the cell phone despite having two heavily armed students backing him, one of which dressed as George Washington. ]
Teacher: If those two come in the parking lot, I want you to yell a verbal warning and then give them what for.
[The teacher approaches the pay phone slips the quarters in the slot and dials 9-1-1. Just then 3 zombies enter the parking lot, 1 of which is the man who was attacking the woman at the bus stop.]
Sapphy [aiming her weapon at one of the three]: Slow Your Roll Motherfuckers!
Henry [to himself]: It’s been too damn long since I’ve spilled blood.
[The three approaching zombies look up and see the other threesome in the parking lot]
Henry: Ah teach, what’s going on with the call
The teacher [looking up horrified, shakily]: There’s no fuckin’ answer
[Just then the three zombies break into a dead sprint towards the teacher as he’s the one closest to them. The teacher slams the phone down and runs toward the door. Saphire and Henry step forward, ready to shoot].
Sapphy: We warned you motherfuckas
Henry: Steady girl
[Sapphy and Henry let off a barrage of bullets at the three sprinting towards the door. As the smoke clears all three are lying on the ground, taken down by bullets. Two have gaping head wounds and one has a large hole in its chest, most likely from Sapphire’s magnum. ]
Sapphy [wide-eyed, pointing the gun in the teacher’s direction]: Try again, maybe something went wrong.
[Teacher starts to move back towards the pay phone, as the one zombie with the chest wound stirs and starts to stand up. It rights itself as the three gasp. The zombie has a three inch in diameter hole in it’s chest and they are able to see clear to the other side. By all accounts this gentleman should be dead. He continues his approach, albeit a little bit slower. Henry wastes no time and shoots him in the head.]
Henry: Make the fuckin’ call
[The teacher continues tentatively towards the pay phone, slips two more quarters in slot and dials. After about 20 seconds he looks up, clearly terrified]
Teacher: There’s no fuckin answer
Henry: What the fuck?
[Just then 15 more zombies come rushing into the parking lot towards the three.]
Sapphy [eyes widening]: Oh shit!
[All three rush back inside the building and the teacher shakily locks the doors behind them.]
Sapphy [very panicky sounding]: Oh Jesus, oh Jesus. It’s got to be a disease or maybe some kind of terrorist thing, stuff is mucked up.
Teacher: I don’t know what it is, let’s just get upstairs.
[Reggie comes sprinting down the steps]
Reggie [panicking]: Oh my god , you guys……Vinnie….trying to kill Morris
Teacher: Reggie slow down, tell us what happened
Reggie [panting]: Something happened to Vinnie, he’s trying to kill everyone upstairs
[The four sprint upstairs and into the classroom where they find Morris torn apart in the doorway, Lawrence dead of unknown causes, and Vinnie feeding on Herman’s corpse.]
Sapphy: Vinnie, what the fuck?
[As Vinnie looks up and it becomes clear that he is no longer their loveable classmate, Henry spews bullets in Vinnie’s direction. Two are errand shots and one catches him squarely in the head tearing the back of his skull off. One errand bullet shatters a window, as all gather and look over the deceased Reggie dives out of the death-defying drop and lands hard but pops and runs. It is implied that he gets away safe. After the camera follows Reggie down the street and he runs from view the students and their teacher hear the shattering of the glass on the ground level.]
[As the survivors hear the glass shatters: the teacher does a quick survey of whose present. Still alive are Mitchell, who per usual is so scared that orating may burn precious calories that he has remained mute and hasn’t moved from his seat once and Porsche Mercedes, pouting in the corner saying Vinnie’s name over and over again(God how that little whop would have loved that.) Also, Henry and Saphire obviously. (God looks like he will have to come down and personally pluck those two off the Earth),
Teacher: Henry, Sapphy how much ammo do you have?
Sapphy: Probably 38 more shots
Henry: 3 rounds, Searg
Teacher [a man whose never seen combat nationally or internationally]: Henry I’m not your, or ah never mind….We need to board that door.
[Henry runs to close the classroom door and ironically enough Professor Hooknoser is leading the charge of zombies up the stairs. Henry gladly plugs two bullets in the principal’s face, slams the door, locks it, and throws the teacher’s podium in front of it. All get up and start throwing objects in front of the door, except Mitchell who hasn’t left his desk all class. Sapphy is almost spastically throwing objects in front of the door. The survivors sit back eventually after a number of desks are placed in the obstructed entry they all relax. The sound of the undead pounding on the entry to the classroom was momentarily soothing until they realized that the impact would eventually lead to a standoff. Eventually the door begins to splinter and break. The zombies start spilling into the class. The teacher holding items across the door is the first to die.]
[The teacher screams as the zombies tear his person apart. Sapphire and Henry begin indiscriminantly spraying bullets into the doorway. Mitchell, now closest to the door, has not moved from his seat or spoken during the ordeal]
Mitchell [croaks in a Tice-like manner]: Uuuuuuuh
[Once more the zombies pour into the classroom. Mercedes dives from the broken window, unfortunately unlike Reggie she falls to her death. As they pour in, Mitchell attempts to finally depart from his desk (The End is playing through his futile effort). Obviously, Mitchell is too fat and slow to escape the onslaught of undead.]
Mitchell: [struggling to undesk himself, over the “the End,”]: Uuuuuuuh
As the zombies advance it’s obviously that Mitchell’s time in the world of the living is fleeting. In an ideal world, Mitchell would be going down with a donut in one hand and the other clicking feverishly through Asian pornography. Sadly, this is not the case as Mitchell is consumed as Sapphy and Henry discuss ammunition and the implied reality that two should be kept for an exit strategy. After the horde finishes on Mitchell and his Ol Country Buffet infused waist line, all of the incoming undead pause and give an ominous roar gear towards Henry and Sapphy who return a spatter of gun fire buckling the first of the onslaught. Sapphy grunts, screams, ands waves her gun maniacally in a DMX-type manner. Both Henry and Sapphy give a slight sigh as the weight of their current situation begins to sink in. Then the room is flooded with an infinite number of undead. Henry and Sapphy fire indiscriminately into the crowd, screaming various curses. Eventually they realize that they are out manned.
[The screen goes to black, light sobbing and the shuffling of feet is heard, followed by two gun shots.]
*Saturday’s class theme plays*
[Episode starts without the normal credits rolling. The Bell rings, the teacher takes off his reading glasses and stands up to address the class. Vinnie’s seat is noticeably vacant.]
Professor: Good Morning everyone. I trust everyone has their class projects and presentations prepared.”
[The camera pans around the room from the professor’s view to see a few science projects, 1 poster board book report, a turtle on Reggie’s desk, and Sapphy dressed as George Washington].
Teacher: “Does anyone know where Vinnie is?”
Sapphy: “That sounds like Vinnie to play hooky on presentation day.”
Morris [still nursing a pretty nasty sinus infection]: “Yeah, teacher I propose we investigate.”
Henry: “Morris will you shut the fuck up?”
[Vinnie runs into class looking disheveled, holding a shirt wrapped around his arm.]
Vinnie: “This is crazy homeless guy bit me.”
Sapphy: “Vinnie, what the fuck is going on?”
Vinnie [sits down, panting]: “Me and Pauly were on the bus and got off a stop early so that we could shoot dice in the alley.”
Teacher [impatiently]: “Pauly and I, Vinnie.”
Vinnie: “Yeah sure, teach, anyways we get off at the stop and we cuts through McClackey’s Shakes to get to the alley out back.”
[Teacher gives an “I give up gesture,” which Vinnie doesn’t seem to notice]
Vinnie: “We get out back where a buddy of ours is waiting. We’re set up near the end of the alley and we shoot a few rounds and I’m cleaning up as usual. After a few rounds Pauly points out this frickin’ drunk guy stumbling across Main Street. We point and laugh, I mean the guy almost got hit by like 3 cars. He makes it across the street and kind of falls behind some buildings and we lose track of him. A few minutes goes by and I’m cleaning these jokers out. All of a sudden the same drunk lunges at us from behind a dumpster takes a swipe at Pauly and then latches onto my arm like it’s a frickin’ meatball. So Pauly grabs a piece of brick and SMACK hits him right in the face, and we take off running. I guess we all freaked out because Pauly probably just killed a guy. We all kind of split up, and I wound up here.”
Teacher [clearly perturbed at having the classes time wasted]: “Marvelous Vinnie, let’s see your arm.”
[Vinnie winces as he unwraps the shirt around his arm revealing an infected-looking bite wound]
[The class all gasp in revulsion, except Henry]
Henry: “Oh, he barely nicked you. I can sew that up for you right now.”
Mercedes: “Vinnie you better clean that out.”
Vinnie: “I’ll clean you out.”
[Mercedes blushes]
Sapphy: “Vinnie that looks seriously muffed up. Let’s go clean it out.”
[Vinnie and Sapphy leave the class and walk towards the restroom.]
*Cut to Vinnie and Sapphy coming out of the restroom*
Vinnie: “Sapphire Clemmons, you truly are too good to me. If anything happens to my mother, you could probably step right.”
Sapphy [laughing]: “Well you know then I couldn’t butter your bread.”
Vinnie: “Says who, I never heard nothing about that.”
[Vinnie winks at Sapphy]
Sapphy: “Stop it Vinnie, you’re killing me.”
[Vinnie and Sapphy reenter the classroom.]
Teacher: “Now, Mr. LaParenzo is it alright if I get on with class? We have a number of presentations that we need to fit in today.”
Vinnie: “Sure teach, break a leg”
Reggie [standing by the window looking out stunned –looking]: “Aaah, guys.”
[Everyone rushes over to the window to see what is going on and audibly gasp as a middle aged man and a heavyset woman in a green dress are tearing a screaming woman apart at a nearby busstop. Both seem to trying to eat the poor woman. The street seems to be otherwise empty. ]
Lawrence: “Guys, I don’t feel so good.”
[Morris rushes out of the classroom covering his mouth to keep from throwing up in class.]
Sapphy: “Someone call the fuckin cops”
[Mercedes reaches into her purse, gets her bedazzled cellphone, and dials 911]
Mercedes: “I’m not getting service. I always get service in class.”
Vinnie: “I’ll give you some service.”
Morris: “Oh, Vinnie, can’t you see this is serious.”
Vinnie: “Cram it, wimp.”
[Other people go to their bags, get their cell phones, and try to dial out. One by one, they each say that they are not getting service]
[Sapphy, without hesitation walks over to her backpack, opens it, and retrieves a very large 357 magnum from it. Henry meanwhile takes a revolver from his overcoat.]
Teacher: “Wow, so you mean to tell me that both of you walk around with loaded guns on your persons.”
Sapphire and Henry [simultaneous]: “Always.”
Teacher: “Well the way I see it, we need to go out to the pay phone in front of the building and I’ll call the cops. They’ve most likely already been called by now about it anyways, but we need to get them out here. Henry and Sapphire, I want you to come with me so that I can make a call. Everyone else, I want you to stay here and not leave this classroom. Presentations are moved to next Saturday due to these extenuating circumstances. Morris you’re in charge.”
Vinnie: “What?!”
Teacher: “Shut up Vinnie, how’s your arm?”
Vinnie: “It’s really sore and you know kind of numb. I like think I need to go to the hospital.”
Henry [looking at the teacher]: “I told you I’d stitch the boy up.”
Teacher: “We don’t have time, we need to make that call. Henry, Sapphire let’s move.”
Sapphy [checking to see that the chamber of her magnum is full and shaking her head]: “Oh Dear Lord Je-sus Give Me Strength!”
[There is no such check from Henry as he seems confident that his weapon is full and he has extra ammo on his person]
Teacher: “I don’t want anyone to panic. The phone is right outside and we can lock the front doors if necessary!”
Vinnie [winking at Reggie and addressing Mercedes]: “You know we might even have to sleep here.”
Morris [clearly annoyed]: Vinnie we just witnessed a murder. Is nothing sacred?
Vinnie: Yeah you’re mother, she’s sacred
Morris [more annoyed]: Vinnie, that doesn’t even make sense as a slight
Vinnie: “Look geek, just pipe down and let them make their call.”
[Henry, Sapphire, and the teacher depart and walk out towards the front door. The camera follows. The three walk through the double glass doors. The teacher double checks that he has the key to lock the front doors if need be.]
Henry: This makes me feel like I’m back in the shit.
The teacher: I find very few parallels to Vietnam
Henry: I wasn’t referring to Vietnam
[The pay phone in the parking lot is approximately 20 feet from the door. The teacher takes two quarters out of his pocket before approaching the cell phone despite having two heavily armed students backing him, one of which dressed as George Washington. ]
Teacher: If those two come in the parking lot, I want you to yell a verbal warning and then give them what for.
[The teacher approaches the pay phone slips the quarters in the slot and dials 9-1-1. Just then 3 zombies enter the parking lot, 1 of which is the man who was attacking the woman at the bus stop.]
Sapphy [aiming her weapon at one of the three]: Slow Your Roll Motherfuckers!
Henry [to himself]: It’s been too damn long since I’ve spilled blood.
[The three approaching zombies look up and see the other threesome in the parking lot]
Henry: Ah teach, what’s going on with the call
The teacher [looking up horrified, shakily]: There’s no fuckin’ answer
[Just then the three zombies break into a dead sprint towards the teacher as he’s the one closest to them. The teacher slams the phone down and runs toward the door. Saphire and Henry step forward, ready to shoot].
Sapphy: We warned you motherfuckas
Henry: Steady girl
[Sapphy and Henry let off a barrage of bullets at the three sprinting towards the door. As the smoke clears all three are lying on the ground, taken down by bullets. Two have gaping head wounds and one has a large hole in its chest, most likely from Sapphire’s magnum. ]
Sapphy [wide-eyed, pointing the gun in the teacher’s direction]: Try again, maybe something went wrong.
[Teacher starts to move back towards the pay phone, as the one zombie with the chest wound stirs and starts to stand up. It rights itself as the three gasp. The zombie has a three inch in diameter hole in it’s chest and they are able to see clear to the other side. By all accounts this gentleman should be dead. He continues his approach, albeit a little bit slower. Henry wastes no time and shoots him in the head.]
Henry: Make the fuckin’ call
[The teacher continues tentatively towards the pay phone, slips two more quarters in slot and dials. After about 20 seconds he looks up, clearly terrified]
Teacher: There’s no fuckin answer
Henry: What the fuck?
[Just then 15 more zombies come rushing into the parking lot towards the three.]
Sapphy [eyes widening]: Oh shit!
[All three rush back inside the building and the teacher shakily locks the doors behind them.]
Sapphy [very panicky sounding]: Oh Jesus, oh Jesus. It’s got to be a disease or maybe some kind of terrorist thing, stuff is mucked up.
Teacher: I don’t know what it is, let’s just get upstairs.
[Reggie comes sprinting down the steps]
Reggie [panicking]: Oh my god , you guys……Vinnie….trying to kill Morris
Teacher: Reggie slow down, tell us what happened
Reggie [panting]: Something happened to Vinnie, he’s trying to kill everyone upstairs
[The four sprint upstairs and into the classroom where they find Morris torn apart in the doorway, Lawrence dead of unknown causes, and Vinnie feeding on Herman’s corpse.]
Sapphy: Vinnie, what the fuck?
[As Vinnie looks up and it becomes clear that he is no longer their loveable classmate, Henry spews bullets in Vinnie’s direction. Two are errand shots and one catches him squarely in the head tearing the back of his skull off. One errand bullet shatters a window, as all gather and look over the deceased Reggie dives out of the death-defying drop and lands hard but pops and runs. It is implied that he gets away safe. After the camera follows Reggie down the street and he runs from view the students and their teacher hear the shattering of the glass on the ground level.]
[As the survivors hear the glass shatters: the teacher does a quick survey of whose present. Still alive are Mitchell, who per usual is so scared that orating may burn precious calories that he has remained mute and hasn’t moved from his seat once and Porsche Mercedes, pouting in the corner saying Vinnie’s name over and over again(God how that little whop would have loved that.) Also, Henry and Saphire obviously. (God looks like he will have to come down and personally pluck those two off the Earth),
Teacher: Henry, Sapphy how much ammo do you have?
Sapphy: Probably 38 more shots
Henry: 3 rounds, Searg
Teacher [a man whose never seen combat nationally or internationally]: Henry I’m not your, or ah never mind….We need to board that door.
[Henry runs to close the classroom door and ironically enough Professor Hooknoser is leading the charge of zombies up the stairs. Henry gladly plugs two bullets in the principal’s face, slams the door, locks it, and throws the teacher’s podium in front of it. All get up and start throwing objects in front of the door, except Mitchell who hasn’t left his desk all class. Sapphy is almost spastically throwing objects in front of the door. The survivors sit back eventually after a number of desks are placed in the obstructed entry they all relax. The sound of the undead pounding on the entry to the classroom was momentarily soothing until they realized that the impact would eventually lead to a standoff. Eventually the door begins to splinter and break. The zombies start spilling into the class. The teacher holding items across the door is the first to die.]
[The teacher screams as the zombies tear his person apart. Sapphire and Henry begin indiscriminantly spraying bullets into the doorway. Mitchell, now closest to the door, has not moved from his seat or spoken during the ordeal]
Mitchell [croaks in a Tice-like manner]: Uuuuuuuh
[Once more the zombies pour into the classroom. Mercedes dives from the broken window, unfortunately unlike Reggie she falls to her death. As they pour in, Mitchell attempts to finally depart from his desk (The End is playing through his futile effort). Obviously, Mitchell is too fat and slow to escape the onslaught of undead.]
Mitchell: [struggling to undesk himself, over the “the End,”]: Uuuuuuuh
As the zombies advance it’s obviously that Mitchell’s time in the world of the living is fleeting. In an ideal world, Mitchell would be going down with a donut in one hand and the other clicking feverishly through Asian pornography. Sadly, this is not the case as Mitchell is consumed as Sapphy and Henry discuss ammunition and the implied reality that two should be kept for an exit strategy. After the horde finishes on Mitchell and his Ol Country Buffet infused waist line, all of the incoming undead pause and give an ominous roar gear towards Henry and Sapphy who return a spatter of gun fire buckling the first of the onslaught. Sapphy grunts, screams, ands waves her gun maniacally in a DMX-type manner. Both Henry and Sapphy give a slight sigh as the weight of their current situation begins to sink in. Then the room is flooded with an infinite number of undead. Henry and Sapphy fire indiscriminately into the crowd, screaming various curses. Eventually they realize that they are out manned.
[The screen goes to black, light sobbing and the shuffling of feet is heard, followed by two gun shots.]
*Saturday’s class theme plays*
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